"Till Death Do Us Part..." JUST KIDDING


A phrase said in every civil ceremony, but never in the temple. When a couple is sealed in the temple, it is for time and eternity. They are promised the blessings of a forever marriage if they keep God's commandments. But what if the people most important to you can't attend the sealing? How do you keep them involved?


Good news, a civil ceremony before a temple sealing? Not taboo anymore. Let me explain the history and five things to consider before deciding.

History


1840: First temple sealing authorized in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints


1960: Couples had to wait one year after a civil ceremony before they could get sealed in the temple.


2019: The First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints announced the discontinuation of that policy.



Now couples can get civilly married and sealed in the temple the SAME day!

Joyful LDS bride in white lace gown raises bouquet outside doors at the Red Cliff Utah Temple in St. George Utah

Thanks Pandemic?


In 2020, temples and wedding venues were closed around the world in order to limit the spread of c0vid. This left thousands, if not millions of engaged couples around the world scrambling to get married before the opportunity would be gone for who knows how long.



Fortunately in 2019 the First Presidency made the announcement that couples no longer had to wait a year. So couples that desired being sealed in the temple, no longer were restricted by wait times. Because of this, numerous couples went and got sealed so that they could live righteously while waiting for the temples to reopen.


This dramatically changed the culture of civil ceremonies for LDS members. Because now it wasn't weird for couples to opt for civil ceremonies, because that was their only option. It was either get civilly married or wait an unknown amount of time for temples to reopen.

So Should You Do a Civil Ceremony AND Temple Sealing?



Here's some factors to keep in mind when deciding:


  1. Tighter schedule, more moving pieces to coordinate
  2. Budgets
  3. Who is the ceremony really for?
  4. Logistics
  5. The deciding factor
Bride and groom pose on outdoor stone steps surrounded by lush greenery and rocky hills on their wedding day.

1. Tighter Schedule



More activities = Less free time. For extroverted brides this is perfect, but for introverted brides, this can be a problem. Rushing from activity to activity can be exhausting and make it harder to be present on the most important day of your life

2. Budgeting


The only cost required to get sealed in the temple, is to get a marriage license (typically between $50-100) from the county office. Because many LDS couples in the past didn't have civil ceremonies on top of their sealing and reception, their budgets could be significantly lower. Sure you could do the civil ring ceremony at a local church building, but you have to be weary of decoration costs and the amount of time it takes to set up.


In order to maximize your time and finances of your wedding day, I recommend doing your sealing in the early afternoon, then head to your venue to do a luncheon/dinner, the civil ceremony, and then the reception immediately after. That way you don't have to pay for a 12 hour venue reservation, but you still get all the essentials taken care of.


However if you have more freedom with the budget, you could totally do the civil ceremony first, and then get sealed later in the day.

Bride and Groom smiling and looking at each other during Manti Utah Temple exit wedding

3. Who would you be doing the civil ceremony for?


Friends:

  • If you have friends unable to attend the sealing, it can be worth it to consider doing a civil ceremony so they can play a bigger role in your wedding than photos and your reception. However, if it's only a couple friends, or you aren't super close to them, the extra costs might not be worth it.


Family:

  • If you or your fiancé's parents are unable to attend the sealing, I would highly consider doing a civil ceremony. Your parents played the most important role in your upbringing, and it can be uncomfortable (and maybe even painful) to exclude them from such a special moment.


Yourself:

  • If this is something that is important to you and your fiancé, then you should 100% do it!!

4. Logistics

Sources: "Sealing" section of Church's handbook and "Civil Ceremony" section from Church's handbook


If you do a ceremony before your sealing:

  • Ring exchange can happen
  • Vows may be given
  • After the ceremony, have your bishop or ward clerk add your ceremony details to "Ordinance Ready" so the temple sealer can be prepared


If you do a ceremony after your sealing:

  • Ring exchange can happen
  • Vow giving is not appropriate (because vows have already happened during your sealing in the temple)
Mormon Bride and groom share a romantic embrace under a wooden arch with greenery and fairy lights at their wedding in Utah.

5. Now What?

Take some time to discuss with your fiancé and pray about it. The best advice I can give, is to tell you to seek revelation from God, then do what feels right to you, There is no right or wrong way to do it. Every person's situation is different, whether every person in your family is a member of the church or mega against it,

God is aware of it.


You got this! 

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