Sorry Aunt Sue
Weddings are notorious for bringing friends and family together, especially ones you don't get to see very often. However, sometimes people make assumptions about being invited to the sealing... even when they won't be. Here's a guide on who NOT to invite your LDS wedding.
Scroll to the end to find my 5 question guest test to help you decide who you ACTUALLY want at your sealing!
What Do You Mean My Dad Invited Every Aunt and Uncle?
When I was planning my wedding, my dad invited all of his siblings and spouses to attend my fiancé' and I's sealing without my consent. For more context, my dad's family doesn't get together very often, I usually only see them at funerals and weddings. I have nothing against my dad's family, but my relationships with them are very distant, and I wanted to invite some friends and neighbors instead of them. My dad has 6 siblings, and most of them are married. To make matters worse, my fiancé and I had already made our sealing guest lists and were just about to send out the invites, and only one of them was on the invite list.
Long story short, I was pretty upset with my dad. It put me in a really awkward position, but even more him. He is already a quieter and more reserved person. and I knew he would be hesitant about uninviting them. Fortunately he and my mom discussed it and agreed to uninvite them.
Looking back, I wish I had said something to my dad before he invited them. But at the same time, I don't think that's something I should have needed to clarify. I'm the oldest in my family, the only daughter, and the first to get married, so it makes sense that my parents jumped to invite their family.
Fortunately it all worked out, and my dad's family understood the miscommunication. Many of them still came to my reception and celebrated me and my new husband.
Guest Lists Aren't a Ranking System
Something that every couple experiences with making guests lists, is feeling sticky about who to invite and who to skip. All friends and family members are loved and important, but some of them have more impact on your life than others.
Inviting one guest to your sealing instead of another does not mean you love them less. Temple sealing rooms can be quite small, especially in the culture of large families
Guest Test
If there's a guest that you're really struggling to make an invitation decision about, put them through this short test!
- When I imagine a room of my biggest supporters, does their face show up?
- If they called my phone on a random Tuesday, would I answer?
- Would I feel disappointed if I did invite them and they couldn't come?
- Is it more important for me that they attend? Or more important to them that they attend? (Nobody is obligated to attend your sealing, no matter who they are or what impact they've had on your life)
- Would inviting them bring more peace or stress to my wedding day?
Relationships Are Messy
People are confusing, and weddings are complicated. There is no shame in feeling overwhelmed about guests lists. Every couple has the debate of skipping the guests lists and eloping. There is nothing wrong with eloping, but I know that family and friends play a big role in who you are and helping you get to this point in your life. At the end of the day, your wedding is a celebration of your love, and covenant to one another. Everything else is extra :)
Need to Uninvite Someone? Use This Template
" Hey (insert name) ! Hope things are going well. I was talking to (insert your fiancé's name) and realized we had a mix up with our guest list and numbers. The temple sealing size is significantly smaller than we originally thought. We have had to make the painful decision to downsize our guest list and are so sorry for the miscommunication. It is very important to us that you are still part of our wedding day! We would love to have you join us at the temple after the sealing for the exit (insert expected exit time) and group photos! "
Over inviting a guests to sealings happens all the time, and can lead to hurt feelings. The best way to approach the conversation is with love and humility
TL;DR
Picking one person over another doesn't mean you love them more
Use the 5 question guest test to help you decide
Guest Test
- When I imagine a room of my biggest supporters, does their face show up?
- If they called my phone on a random Tuesday, would I answer?
- Would I feel disappointed if I did invite them and they couldn't come?
- Is it more important for me that they attend? Or more important to them that they attend? (Nobody is obligated to attend your sealing, no matter who they are or what impact they've had on your life)
- Would inviting them bring more peace or stress to my wedding day?
